Before the Affair
by Richie Wraggs
Summary: Find out what happened a week prior to Flanders' Affair. Rated M for Steaminess.
1. Chapter 1

Before the Affair

Please note: This story 'ere be based a week before moi last Simpson fic.

One day in the Simpson's house Bart and Lisa were watching Eye on Springfield on TV.

"I'm Kent Brockman and you are watching eye on Springfield." Said Brockman starting his report. "Earlier a memorial was held for the victims of the lake scout camp massacre masterminded by the anti-Christ in mouse form Stuart Little. In other news Eric Normal from Crumptonvile needs to get laid fast because his penis is shriveling up faster than it should and in yet more news I sucked dick to be the newscaster. Hey! Who fucked with my script?" The news switched to a technical difficulties screen. Bart switched to Krusty the Klown.

"Hey kids! Lets watch Itchy & Scratchy while I shoot up and beat the meat backstage!"

Then the cartoon aired, it shows Itchy and Scratchy homeless.

"How much did you get today?" Itchy asked.

"I got a quarter for blowing some guy..." Answered Scratchy.

"You should be careful when you're selling yourself. Disgruntled Goat was shanked to death last night."

"What really? Shit! Where did it all go wrong, Itchy?"

"It could be that we've been around too long and the quality declined."

"Or it's that the kids watch that dumbass internet thing instead."

"Oh god don't remind me of "that show". I mean, yeah it was funny the first few episodes but come on, you have to be inbred to still watch it."

Bart becomes bored with the cartoon. "For Christ's sake, kill each other! Do something!" Unfortunatly they still just talk.

"I'm too fucked on crack to kill you now maybe next episode." Said Itchy.

"Whatever..." Replyed Scratchy.

"Don't worry kids, I'll stab him in the thoat when he falls asleep" Whispered Itcy.

"Don't bother, I'll never sleep after Oding on meth. Oh shit!"

Scratchy collapses and his body frantically twiched then it stopped.

"That was fucking gay!" Shouted Bart changed the channel to Happy Tree Friends where they were having an orgy on the moose's lawn who runs then all over, mutilating them with the lawnmower but he's too retarded to notice the grass turning red. Bart and Lisa laughed their ass off then Marge walks in when one of the animals sounded like he was saying "That was my penis you dickmuncher!" as his lower body was getting absolutely minced Marge's jaw hit the floor. "I'm not letting you watch that!" She said shouted as she turned the chanel over. The kids were like "Aww..."

Marge took a DVD from the top shelf. "What's this?" She asked.

It was a used blank disk with Tiger Woods' Favourite 18 Holes written on it. "Tiger Woods' Favourite eighteen Holes, that's better!" Marge put the DVD on and played it, she watched Tiger score a hole in one before walking back into the kitchen.

"This is gay!" Said Bart.

"Lemme turn it off!" Said Lisa.

"Tiger!" Said a member of the press. "You won yourself eighteen more pornstar mistress, how does it feel?"

After hearing the word pornstar pricked up Bart's attention and his penis.

"Wait, Lis it's getting good!" Shouted Bart.

"I feel so fine right now!" As Tiger Woods began undressing as the eighteen pornstars crowded himand started giving him head.

"What the fuck!" Asked Lisa but Bart was too busy jerking off to listen. Tiger Woods began rapping.

Hey, this is Tiger Woods

AKA Rider Woods

AKA Hide your goods

AKA I will fuck all the females in your family

This song is for all you haters

Turn me up

Do you wonder why golf has eighteen holes

Cuz I love to stick my dick into eighteen holes

Bitches love me

They grab my Sand wedge

They put it in their mouth

like a sandwich

They love my driver

And my nine iron

I fuck for days

I never get tired

I love the muff

When I'm in the rough

In the green

In between's not enough

I get it on

From Nebraska to Alaska

Do you know how much ass I get at the mastahs

I'm like Snoop Dogg

I'm a real pimp

I fuck even after my dick feel limp

I'm a champion

Best in the world

Not just at golf

but at sex and the girls

So if you ever leave your chick with me then you'll know exactly where my dick will be

Motherfuckers

This is Tiger Woods

And I fuck all the time

At the nuclear power plant Homer was sleeping at his position, meanwhile Smithers was wanking near some toxic waste. "Ohh Burns! Burns! I so want to bone you!" he wailed and then his spunk splurted out and plopped into one of the drums.

"Time to go back to work..." Said Smithers as he zips his fly.

Suddenly his sperm jumped out of waste the size of killer whale and tore Smithers up, limb to limb. The sperm continue the rampage decapitating every nuclear plant worker in their path. They then approached Carl when Lenny stepped in front.

"Don't take my black boyfriend! Take me instead!" Shouted Lenny.

"Thanks Lenny!" Said Carl as he fled.

"Love you Carl! I'll miss your big black cock!"

After those final words Lenny was split down the middle by one of the sperm's large tails. It slithered after Carl like a greased Ferrari and grabs his leg with it's tail and smashes him against the Duff beer machine causing the machine to break and blash Duff Beer all over the place. The creature was convinced he was dead and left him be. When he came to, Carl see Duff all over the place.

"Aw, sweet! Free Duff!" Shouted Carl, then he licks the puddle on the ground and got electricuted before conbusting into flames and started a massive fire in the corridor. The sperm was in Mr Burns' office. Because this is Smithers' seed it approaches Burns like a dog on heat.

"What the fuck! Smithers save me! Arrgh!" Says Mr Burns as he was getting raped by the sperm.

Meanwhile the fire in the corridor triggers the only fire alarm in the building and wakes Homer up thinking that it is a fire drill. However he wasn't freaking out about the corridors looking like a killing scene in a bloody sunday. Once Homer was outside "He thought where is everybody?" Then the plant explodes which could have been a nuclear explosion if the plant used actual decent stuff but instead it just uses cheap crap that just releases extremely dangerous gamma rays which gives Homer testicular cancer causing his testicles to grow planet sized.

"D'oh!" He shouts.

Nelson says "Ha ha!" To Homer's enlarged testicles then he gets pissed whacks him with his balls and knocks him out. Then Homer tea bags Nelson to death. Then Homer started dragging his balls towards his car.

Meanwhile at Fat Tony's hideout, Fred Jones and the Mayor of Lazytown were talking to Tony.

"I need a fucking amazing new drug for my town's new pharmacy." Says the Mayor.

"I need something to enlarge my penis for the orgy on the night before shaggy's birthday in a week." Said Fred.

"Gentleman, I have the answer to both your problems." Said Fat Tony with a demonic grin.

Homer makes it back home to find Bart raping Lisa while watching his Tiger Woods porn DVD.

"Eighteen bitches banged in the bath all once! Bet you haters never get this sort of action everyday." Said Tiger on the TV.

"What the fuck are you two doing!" Shouted Homer.

"Oh, shit dad!" Said Bart in shock letting Lisa go. Homer caught Bart and got a coal tray from the fireplace and bent Bart over and gave him one helluva fucking red arse inducing spanking.

"Bet you won't fuck with a sore ass, you filthy arab!" Scolds Homer.

Unknown to Homer, Bart was a masochist and was enjoying every second of it. Bart was getting so aroused at a metal getting smashed against his ass cheeks, his tiny hard on jizzed on Homer's leg.

"You dirty little pig fucker! Those trousers cost more than your fucking life!" Shouts Homer before throwing him against the wall repeatedly until he was knocked out.

"You're going to your room when you wake up, you little shit!" Homer once again shouts to his son.

Homer gets a scent of something cooking in the kitchen.

"Ohh... Smells like Marge's making donut pizza!" Said Homer turning from pissed the fuck off to calm like a hindu cow. He runs into the kitchen but unprepared for the sight he was about to see.

"Whooaah!" Homer screamed at the sight of his wife with her head in the oven. He quickly grabbed and dragged her away from the oven. Her face was horribly charred and Homer began crying.

"Oh my god, it's all my fault! I'm such a shitty husband and I'm such a shitty father that my son is a rapist! Why! Why!"

"Homer..." Said Marge waking up.

"Marge, you're alive thank god!"

"You should've let me die you fat sack of shit!"

"But Marge I know I fucked everything up but this time I promise things will be different!"

"Yeah right!"

"Please Marge! I can't get another shag mate!"

"Alright, one more chance but don't fuck up again, I'm fucking tired of our shit life!"

"Thank you Marge, I won't let you down!"

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Bart gets Ninja'd

After a truly fucked up day the Simpsons go to bed at last. Bart has a wet dream later that night and creams the bed and then wakes but he can't go back to sleep and shouts for Homer. Homer got up and ran to the room.

"What's the matter boy, did someone try to rape you?" Homer urgently asked.

"No, I spunked... er wet the bed and I can't sleep." Said Bart.

"Go back to sleep you fucking pussy." Replied Homer.

Some minutes past it was like 1:30AM or something and Bart sleeped like a rock again but a few more minutes passed and a small naked figure runs to the house and climed into Bart's room through the window. Bart woke to find the figure approaching his bed. He was to frozen with fear to move away. The figure climbed on his bed and lept on his head and hits Bart's face with his naked crotch area and screamed "Ninja!" in a high pitched voice not unlike Milhouse and could very well of been Milhouse, although Bart knew it was him just then. Bart struggles to get free but Milhouse latches on his head tightly and started humping.

"Fuck off, Milhouse!" Shouts Bart but Milhouse kept fucking his face and laughing like the Joker.

"Homer, Healp!" Screamed Bart.

"Shut the fuck up Bart! I'm trying to sleep!" Responded Homer.

Before long after grinding his dick on Bart's face Milhouse Splooges all over him.

"That's it you're fucking dead!" Says Bart in fury then Milhouse jumps out the window.

"Where the fuck are you going you fucking bitch?" Shouts Bart once more before Homer breaks down Bart's door wielding a crowbar.

"I fucking told you to get your shitty fucking ass back to sleep." Homer belowed before smashing him across the skull with the crowbar knocking him out cold.

"Now you fucking go back to sleep you piece of shit!"

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 Good Gun

Bart woke up and threw up on the floor. He wondered what the fuck just happened last night but he had amnesia from the crowbar. Later at school Bart asked Milhouse, Lewis and Richard to meet him behind the bike shed durring recess.

"Hey Bart, what is this all about? Drugs? A circle jerk?" Asked Lewis.

"Fuck no!" Said Bart "I just wanna show you something!"

Bart pulled out a 9mm out his underwear.

"For a second there, I thought you had a penis enlarging operation." Said Richard.

Suddenly Bart blows Lewis' brain out, Milhouse and Richard were shocked.

"Lewis! Bart why the fuck did you do that for?" Shouted Richard.

"Because he was a nigger." Said Bart.

"That's fucking racist!"

"It's not, I saw 50 Cent do it."

"That's it! I'm out! You used to be cool but you've changed man!"

"Don't you run, cunt! You're forever my bitch for life!"

Richard ran for dear life but Bart blows his legs out. Richard tries to crawl away afterwards.

"You just won't give up, will you, twat?" Said Bart to the crippled Richard.

"Fuck you Bart!" Richard speaks. "Kill me now or I'll grass you, asshole!"

"I don't tolerate that fucking language!" Shouts Bart.

Bart shoots twice at Richard again blowing out both his arms leaving him immoble.

"You should bleed out in a few hours, until then enjoy every second of true pain fuckface!" Said Bart.

"Hey Milhouse you still a bro or no?" Asked Bart.

"Yeah, I'm still a bro. Fuck them they were gonna betray you anyway those disloyal cunts." Answered Milhouse.

"Too fucking right, bruv. We're in too deep in this shit, no turning back now!" Said Bart.

"So what should we do now?"

"What da fuck else? Pop the fucking princible of course. Mother fucker's been molesting me for too fucking long!"

"Oh right, okay..."

"But also... In case we don't make it out I just want you to know that... uh well. You know the feeling that you get when you watch morning yoga after waking up with a morning wood?"

"Oh yeah I get that too..."

"Hold me Millie!"

Bart and Millhouse started to make a lot of loud moaning noises from behind the bike shed. So loud it's wonder the other kids didn't hear. The intimate and emotional scene ended with there was only five minutes of recess left.

"That was amazing!" Orgasamed Millhouse.

"Uh... That wasn't gay right?" Asked Bart.

"No that was bro love I swear."

And so Bart and Milhouse plot to kill princible Skinner after a totally heterosexual encounter stay tuned for more.

To be or not to be continued...


End file.
